An ode to my fake friendships

Dear fake friend,

You have been there a little too long in my life. But I would like to acknowledge your presence with a letter, for you have been a part of my life and taught me things to make me who I am today.

I will never forget how you gave me distance when I needed your love and support during my tough times. How you showed me indifference and coldness when I showed you warmth and kindness. I did not need to seek revenge, for rotten fruit fall by themselves. In fact I did not even seek confrontation, I taught you that you can neglect me. I silenced myself and stopped communicating to my own needs. I reached a point where I forced myself to leave, and I see no room for mutual respect and reconciliation.

Things did not happen the way I wanted or hoped for, but it happened the way I needed to see the harsh reality. I woke up late to your double-faced outlook, how you found my sincerity scary and labelled it as toxicity and calculated kindness. The way that I act and the way I let things slide taught you how to treat me and eventually pointed to the bigger hollow - the way I feel about myself from the inside and the way I speak to myself from the inside.

I though that having uncomfortable conversations is hard but now I see the results of not having them. Thank you for teaching me to that walking away from something unhealthy is brave even though I stumble the way out of the door.

Regardless, there are plenty of things that I am thankful for, which allow me to forgive you.

Thank you for making me realize that I am too pretty to accept your disrespectful behaviour; that I am not selfish for distancing myself from people who will drain me and that it is not always necessary for me to forgive you to move on.

That we love ourselves more and deserve people who give a shit and not deception.

Thank you for pushing me to set boundaries and stop entertaining relationships that are not true; you have put me on the path to winning and I am so grateful.

Thank you for the painful lessons on betrayal; I am now mending my heart into a stronger and better shape.

Thank you for teaching me that if you are not losing relationships, you are not growing. When you become the best version, you will figure out who really deserves to stay in your life and let people go.

Thank you for teaching me that your treatment does not determine my worth by any ounce.

Thank you for being there.

Thank you, for I take your leave now with a new found sense of self.